What are you doing after graduation?

I recently turned 23 and started my last semester of college. Whoa. Everything about that sentence is just strange.

Both of these things have caused a mix of emotions lately. I've been getting asked a lot lately, "What are you doing after graduation?"

I realize this is a common question to ask that I even ask people my own age and expect some awesome answer from them. The closer I get to graduation, the more I've noticed that I panic and blurt out whatever comes to mind at that moment when answering this question. Mainly because I don't want to look foolish or unprepared after almost being in college for 4 and a half years.

I'd like to think that growing up and in my teen years, I had a pretty good outlook on things. However, I remember "23" sounding extremely old. Heck, even 18 sounded old not too long ago. If you would have asked my 13 year old self where I thought I would be in ten years (at 23), I probably would have very seriously answered "graduated, being a teacher, married or almost married and thinking about kids soon!"
At that age, 23 just seemed so far away and so far from where I was at that moment. 

Right now, I really am feeling much younger than my actual age.
Not in the way that older people use that phrase; I don't physically feel younger, I feel emotionally younger than what I would have pictured being 23 would be. I think a lot of my friends and I are in the same boat from a lot of the conversations I've had lately. This is probably one of the strangest and most confusing times we'll have in our lives. A lot of us are just recently graduated or are about to graduate and still not really sure what we're going to be doing even a few months from now. Even 2 years ago, I thought that in my last semester of college I would know what I would be doing with the rest of my life upon graduation. I think that's why I feel like I shouldn't be 23.

When I think back to some of my earliest memories, a lot of them are adults asking, "What do you want to be when you grow up?" Even in middle school and high school they are putting pressure on you to know what you want to do and what you'll study when we go to college in a few years. We grew up constantly thinking we needed to know what we would be doing at this point in our life. Thus, you have a lot of 20-somethig recent graduates freaking out and having quarter-life crisis because according to how we grew up...we should know by now. 

And here is something I've noticed that results from that; The first job offer that comes their way with a paycheck, regardless of how miserable it might be, they take it...because God forbid you be a college graduate and not have a career focused job with a yearly salary and benefits. I have so many older friends that seem just as confused with what their doing with their life, but working a job that they're miserable in. 

I do not want to be that person in 3 months when I graduate.

I realize bills have to paid, student loans paid off, etc. etc. But the closer I get to graduation, the more I realize I don't want to settle for something just because I feel like I have to.

So from, "What do you do you want to be when you grow up?" to "What are you doing after graduation?" I've decided I'm just going to answer honestly and say that I really do not know but I want to do something that makes me happy (I am obviously hoping to be doing something with video though). But I shouldn't have to know. Maybe in these next few months I will know, but maybe I won't. Who knows, maybe I won't know for 5 more years. Thank you to all the adults who answer, "Good. You shouldn't know right now."
You. Are. Awesome. We need more people like you.

I know things will come and go and I will probably have a few jobs in between figuring it all out. I suppose that's part of the leaning process. I get envious sometimes of people who have majors like nursing or teaching because they know exactly which field they will be in. Both of those being extremely wonderful and selfless career, but just not for me.

On the other hand, It's really exciting that I have so many choices, despite how overwhelming it can be at times :) It will definitely be interesting what these next few months will hold for me!